They Call Her A POET?!?!?!?!?!?

Who the fuck was stupid enough to pick Elizabeth Alexander to read at the big hoeha inauguration?

They call her a Poet? That was the single worst reading I have ever heard from ANY poet! I've heard coffee-wired goths whining away in cafes that were better than that. Hell, I've heard FIFTH GRADERS who were better than that! In fact, on the day of the reading I had a fifth-grader tell me they thought it was both a terrible poem, and badly read.

There was no emotion, and she clunked each word out like a special ed child struggling to read the next word. Christ, if she wrote the damned poem, she should at least be able to infuse it with some degree of emotion or meaning! In listening to the actual words (as hard as it was...), the poem was completely common. I mean, any bored soccer mom with no grip on the English language could have spewed that thing out.

Once again proof of how wrong affirmative action was in practice. The idea of giving everyone an equal chance was grand....but the fact is that after a few years, the color of your skin got more jobs than actual qualifications. This woman is where she is because of the color of her skin, not because of her qualifications.

The sad thing was that she was better than the self-promoting asshole of a preacher than came on to close the show. Perhaps he should go back to the black community and get them to begin "doing the right thing" before he decides to demand of the white community. That might clear the jails out and improve society a touch quicker. Guess the fucking asshole didn't realize he wasn't preaching to a room full of his blind sheep followers.

The Wasted Energy Of A Racing Mind.

For some years I have felt underchallenged. In my past, I had the need to fill my mind at all times with variuos useful thoughts, which all stopped in '88 with the car wreck. Since then, instead of viable creative thoughts, I find myself consumed with worry about the worst possible thing that could happen. I go to class, its failure, I go to teach, its weird parents and their children who refuse to work, I drive, its some idiot causing a wreck for me.

I struggle to shut it all off. Some 5 years ago I was there. I shut it off and had a calm mind. I lived by the rule that 90% of what you worry about never happens, so stop the worry and be ready for the ten percent that does happen.

I recognize the need to reach this place again. I waste so much energy on worry. I need to get things rolling again, instead of burning the candle of doubt.

Tiring....

...but I think I have answered all the pending e-mails sent me since the middle of December. Feeling way sick, first sinus, then headaches, then stomach and more. God, I just wanna get the year rolling...and it certainly is fighting me. I have enrolled in yet more general ed classes as I chase my A & P cert. Labs still to finished...groan....

Behind Again Already...

Its a new year, and between the limited access to the internet, my new glasses, and trying to finally get rolling on a number of key issues (auto repair, etc), I find myself behind again already.

I am backed up on e-mails. I am behind on autos, and I am struggling over a project involving a 100+ year old table.

I aim to start the catching up tonight....

God I Hate Change!

BUT...

Its probably the best thing for oneself innit?

Last time I remember playing music and it meaning something was new years eve of 2000. All I've done since then is work. I am tired of work. The gods conspire against me, so I cast them out!

Need new toys, need new goals, need new. Got some new already.

I may hate change, but I welcome it!

40 Years Ago...NOW!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_8

Its been 40 short years since we first went around the moon. The US government gutted the Space Program to fund warships at Raygun's command. Long may he rot for it.

Mankind makes progress fast during two things: Exploring and War.

Some of us prefer the first route. Its time to end the wars, take the military funding and give it to NASA to head deeper out into the neighborhood of the night. For those who disagree, go ahead and get rid of your computers, TV sets, cars newer than 1980, phones and pretty much everything else that has been improved upon due to NASA's work in getting to Space!

Sidenote: SpaceShip Two has taken flight for the first time!

16 Days....

...until I outlive Jim Jones.

Geez, maybe I could catch a break here...? I mean, I haven't started any cults, didn't get people to give me their money and move to some weird jungle, didn't get them to commit suicide by drinking poison or chase down those who didn't with machine guns.Yet who gets remembered by history? Yeah, the guy who did evil things.

Not me.

Whatever.

Has everybody left blogger now...?

Its the Memory...what was I saying?

Exhaustion.

Messes with my ability to memorize. Got a final coming up, and two years of aeronautics to deal with, and all is not going well.

No Justice.

The drunk asshole that killed a friend last year by driving the wrong way down a Southern California freeway (how can any moron do that?!?!?!) didn't get convicted of murder. Nope, manslaughter, so the worst that can happen is 8 years in jail. He'll probably be free in a year or two and never look back.

I hope his family is killed by another drunk driver. Fucking Asshole. Drunk drivers should be executed on the site once they sober up.

MY Bailout Plan for Carmakers.

So what.

The CEO's for car makers used their own jets to arrive at meetings to ask for help. That's how business at that level works. Believe it or not, CEO's actually do things that affect each and every member of the companies work force. Some CEO's are fucking morons, some not. Did any of the assholes downing them for private jet use ask....WHY? Nope.

Anybody remember a little known historical event they used to call "9-11"? Anybody notice the names and jobs of many of the folks killed on the commercial jets that day? Some were pretty important, key people in their work. They were not replaceable there (not even talking about personal value). Many, many companies felt like airport security wasn't worth a damn, and it was foolish to risk losing the heads of their companies to something like hijacking and terrorists. Remember how they are all just around the corner all the time? So they started using private jets! It wasn't a frill, it was a SAFETY CONCERN!!!! Now...what the hell is wrong with that?

In addition, when someone at that level travels in a private jet, they have instant access to a workplace, and are able to keep right on working. No waiting to get to a wi-fi spot there. PLUS- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE THE AIRLINES BEEN ON TIME OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah, that would look good, "Will the CEO of Chevrordler please come forward? What...? What....? He had his flight canceled...? Screw him then, if he couldn't even get here on time!"

AND...did anybody watch to see if the Wall Street Crooks used their own jets? NOPE! They sure pulled off a slick one, didn't they?

So, here's MY bailout plan for Car makers:

Granted, they haven't been making autos that fit the needs of the country for a LONG time. That's why the roads are covered with Jap crap. But the Japs got it right, didn't they? Why can't America get it just as right?

Gee...remember those "Oil Companies" that have been showing "Record Profits" the last few quarters? Yeah....they have a vested interest in making sure nobody comes out with a series of autos that GET BETTER MILEAGE, don't they? Isn't it clear how far into bed the auto and oil industries actually are?

Good, you finally noticed. This leads to my plan....Let's pass a bill that sends the excess profits from the oil companies to the Automakers. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE...BEFORE we pass that law, lets pass another that requires the oil companies to put up the needed bailout money for Detroit. Remember, they got to be Fat Cats at the expense of the country and its economy already, time for them to contribute BACK to the whole process. Oh, yeah...and while we are at it....

What the HELL is the deal? Refineries ALL have to be shut down for service at the same time of the year (Summer) every year...thus driving prices up? What kind of MORON in the White House allows this?!?!??! Oh yeah, he's an oilman.

NEXT... "Oh, there's a hurricane 600 miles away that has a 4% chance of hitting our refineries, Oil Price Must Be Raised Immediately!" ...HUH?!?!?!?!?!!?

Geez, then build larger reserves to prevent fluctuations you idiots! Oh yeah, you wouldnt be able to screw the rest of us for extra income otherwise.

Regulation is too good for oil companies. Yep, time to nationalize them in the best interest of the country. And the world.

It Just Keeps Getting Harder Every day.

...that I haven't completed my labs.

Got to the last one for this portion of the program, and it has ten pages to complete it. I believe I have six of those pages left before having to dig into a year's worth of reveiw for the portion of the program done a year ago....geez.


Work remains as confusing as ever. Can't seem to get anyone interested in staying long term after their Intro class. Out of like 6 people last cycle....one stayed.Wonder if the new year will pick things up? The election sure didn't....and that's a first. Usually things get better after any election. Oh well...

Book Titles I Should Follow Up and Write:

" You call that horse shit art?"
" I Knew Your Mom When She Gave Head for Ten Bucks or Before The Church"
" There are More Intelligent Fish Than You."
" Drving Like That Will Get You Killed, Here...Let Me Help"
" I'd Rather Weld Than Dance"
" Your 8 Year Old Isn't a Guitarist, He's a Fucking Boring Twat Abusing A Guitar"
" Blues Musicians Don't Use Tabs"
" Your Pansy Dog Is A Cat"
" Get Your Cat Off My Car"
" Yes, I want To Fight. Excuse Me For Not Getting Out Of The F-250 While Killing You"
" Sure, Increasing The Rent Will Help Build My Failing Business"
" And By Inappropriate I Mean YOU"
" Dickhead"
" The Marching Band Diaries"
" Actually Crushed By Life, Not A Spoiled, Rich Goth"
" Every Goth With A Pen Thinks He's A Poet"
" Marilyn Who?"
" At The Dawn Of The 80's"
" The Night The 70's Died"
" The Day After The 90's"
" Hunter Thompson Was NOT Your Father"
" Screenplays About Junkies Best Be Written By Them"
" Go Fuck Yourself: A Guide To The 21st Century"

Alone In All I Do.

Much of my mental reveiw as of late has centered around getting dates correct in my head. That fucking car wreck certainly muddied the waters for afr too long. It's given insite into timing and foresight to reckon what's coming. I still have that capacity,but it seems focused other than the arts.

THEN AGAIN....Over the last few years I've the chance to have contact with any number of would be artists from the current crop. Not the ones you may think I am talking about either. BUT, there certainly isn't the width of dynamics that existed amoung those I knew so long ago. Now, all seem rather plastic, without a fresh idea in their heads. Funny, was at one place where everyone was patting an artist on the back for some great concept he was displaying....and all I could thinbk about was I had seen exactly the same thing years ago, and even on the internet. Their glory boy was just a copy cat. How funny.

Then, IN ADDITION, I sometimes find myself among a crowd who consider themselves to be educated and so important. NONE of them could figure out why their cars won't start if they break, none could plow a field or plant it, none could harvest or hunt game, I doubt if fishing is among their skills either- BUT they sure do act all important talking about yet another of their ilk with the same lack of survival skills. That's nice, splash some paint on the canvas and be a star. Maybe we'll call you Jack the Dripper...oh wait, that's been done too.

Overall, the key is that I am an only child, and we never seem to have the ability to get others to share the work load for what we endeavor. Then, when we go it alone, everyone attacks us and claims we act too good to let anyone help. Funny, I remember countless hours of mind-crushing boredom as my youth. I was the only kid on my street, until that one family moved in when I was like 9. If I wanted to "play", I had to entertain myself. I learned to rely on nobody but me.

And now that seems to be a curse.

Most of the time I can achieve a task more quickly by myself, than with a group. Oh well. Whatever.

The Past.

Fear is the mother of violence. Fear seperates by class and race, usually with good reason.

Music was all I ever wanted, drugs everything I hated. Cocaine cowboys destroyed the Florida I loved. A Florida of boats, ships and old planes lumbering around for the hell of it. Turned everything into a drug deal. I hated coke, coke users and coke dealers. And they were everywhere.

I left.

I wanted no part of any of it. I stopped talking to people that had been close friends because of it. Anything to stay away from it.

It replaced most of what I valued. I remember being in California the first time I saw Miami Vice and was thinking how toned down from reality it was, when the people in the room started laughing at it for being so wild. That's when you keep your mouth shut. No one would believe you anyway.

I hate the coke heads who provided the demand most. You destroyed nightlife, art, music, clubs...everything. Then you had your yuppie dreams that ran over life how it was meant to be. Blowing coke up your nose, going to church and voting republicain like your frat buddies did too. And all these years later you are so respectable.

Guess its yet another reason I want the borders to be more secure. Remember how bad it all got after Castro dumped all those criminals on us? No....? Is it any surprise I carry so much anger towards illegals who have nearly killed me a couple of times from behind the wheel?

My anger and indignation knows few bounds. If only there was a way to make those bastards who destroyed the good part of America pay for it in their own blood. Somebody should replinish the vaults of blood, sweat and tears that it took to create the place the first time.

There are few of that kind of people left. I recently meet one, but even he is getting old. I just barely remember what they look like. I'm not, I have just been trying to survive.

Bastards.

Timing is Everything.

I've spent a LOT of time this last week looking at videos of the Metal scene of the early 80's. With Prog roots, I happened to sound more like Motorhead that Marillion, which was fine by me. Both were great bands.

I cashed it out and burned all the bridges and moved to California to be involved. Problem was, three weeks before the move, after the fires were raging, the destination changed from LA to Stockton because of my future roomate. That was all fine for HIM, but looking at the timing of it all, it neatly kept me 400 miles from where I NEEDED to be at the time. The fincial trama of the move and car troubles buried me so I might just as well have stayed in Florida. In fact, seeing what CRAP came out of the area four years after I left means I might have actually had a chance even there.

I always seem to have a feel for what is coming next, in music and every other thing that interests me. When I used to hang it all out to dry, put all my eggs in one basket, etc....I usually achieved things. Now I have a CROP of projects at all levels that needs finshing. I am trying to remember how to live for today and just do things.

Some choices might seem weird- like the desire to paint my somewhat abused 4 x 4 in an olive drab type green with a flat black hood. It already looks like its out to run over you, why not go with it?

So many projects, so little time, er...money. Someday. Someday hopefully soon.

One of the good things.....

...about life is the fact that I realized the business was in for a downfall some two years ago when the economy started to go bad. That prompted me to enroll in school to be able to go to something else if need be. I am now 6 labs away from completing two of three major portions of the program. I wonder if I can pound them out next week? Time will tell. When they are all done I still have to test with the FAA, but that shouldn't prove overly hard. The instruction has been amazing, so I should pass with flying colors.

After all this is done and I am working there are two plans (after bills are caught up, of course), a camera that will do what I need it to do, and software to go with it- and flying lessons. BOTH of which will be saved for in advance and then done non-stop so as to achieve them faster.

Things in history class today got me to thinking more about the fact that I have been in business for like 16 years and never taken a loan out to keep things going. Guess I have actually done better than 99.999999% of people who ever go into business. BUT...I have a bent for my next business. Still in planning stages, but someday....;<>!

Never a dose of Sanity again....

I never really liked The Beatles. I did like George Harrison. Seemed like he was a dose of sanity in his own bright hearted way.

Perhaps I am depressed at how long he's been gone. It's been like 7 years now or something? I sure could use a new album from him. They always seems to hit the spot, like a cup of good tea on a warm morning. I miss tea too I guess.

Brainwashed.

Might be the end I see coming....

So...the owner of the facility I call the main location wants to "reveiw the rent" again. That's his code for raising it. Each time he does so, its usually to the turn of a couple of hundred dollars a month. If it gets raised this time, I think its time to kill the business. Well, more to the point, I can't afford it and need some income. HE gets paid and I make enough to get gas to get to and from the classes. I could be working nights and finish school and do better than this. Probably make school work a lot easier without the constant strain of what 40 students need to work on.

Let's see, three years ago the gross was 4 times higher than now, and there was a group of about 10 competing members out spreading the word about their group. The facility kept pushing back our starting time to an unreasonable hour where it is now. I don't want to try teaching this late, everyone is too tired and ready for bed by then. Performance has dropped through the floor, as has participation. They won't take part of Fridays, and not outside the group at all.

That's 16 years of work to get nowhere fast. I find by asking that our group is as big or bigger than some other local ones, but the others go show their colors out there. We are a ghost, dead to the world and a thing of the past at this point. It takes money to bring a ghost back to life, and I have zero left. Had it not been for the wife paying rent at home....this would have all ended a year ago.

The real focus has to remain on finishing school, as its becoming very clear there is no future with the current set-up. I feel so stupid for breaking myself for this...I hope at least someone later figures out how good they had it. Should I have never done it and let everyone drive 91 miles each way for a lesson like I had to? No matter how much I want it to survive (with or without me, future job permitting), it appears there will be no legacy to all my sacrifice.

Currently, not counting what taxes would take, I am making $5.83 an hour to take on all this stress. Gezz, Minimum wage in the state is $8.00 an hour. I could work at McBlandburgers and make more than I make now......I really needed this depression today, didn't I?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Post script- Yes, the rent has been raised.

Dog Gone.

In a stunning first intelligent move of the Iraq war, the US government has allowed a dog seperated from its soldier owner to come to the US to be with its owner.

World wide reaction to this stunning flash of common sense has paralyzed the news services, many of whom simply ignored the story.

Welcome to America, you Dog you!

Headache From Hell

I have had a headache for 4 days straight now. Not a little one that goes away, but an ever increasing one that is killing me. The Friday mid-term was hell to handle as a result. Sleep isn't helping much, and my eyes won't focus right. I think maybe this is a concussion from getting whacked in the head on Wed or so. I hate head injuries.