Fiberglass Project

It's the fiberglass project slowing me down now. Too damned cold in the garage to work on it after a certain time of the day. Got about 60% of it done, and off to school to see what else is going on for the things I've already turned in. Hope there are no more corrections to do on them and I can get to the next step of things. All this make-up work is taking far too long.I can't see it done until January now, even though I will work for sooner. December is such a crap month to deal with, why must everything close down?

Light...or not?

Taxes dealt with. Pending taxes being dealt with.

Jeep being dealt with, until disaster stuck commute truck.

Truck repeatedly dealt with. Seems handled.

School project not going well, will be dealt with.

Considering how to deal with tiny car not driven for a number of years.

Garage cleaned up enough to function in and purged of some stuff I no longer need. Still more to deal with.


That might be light at the end of the tunnel, or my own reflection in a darkened mirror horrifing me. With Poe, you never know...do you?

It's all About Food

I haven't been able to figure out my Blogger password in some time, since the Google take-over. I had nothing to say either. I used to surf blogs and find much interesting and fun....but that seems to be a thing of the past. Now the only thing I seem to find are 1. Cooking Blogs, and 2. Spoiled rich girls dropping out of coillege to travel/ find themselves/ recover or whatever else one does when daddy's money foots the bill.


Life for me remains a constant strain of making up schoolwork and bills. Is it ever going to change?

Worse than I thought. Much worse.

I have been going through what the business earned and cost for the last few years and I have been majorly losing my ass. I can't see how I stayed ahead of the basic bills, but can see why I am not getting ahead at all. Nothing short of a miracle could save this thing now. The rents are higher than ever (like 6 times higher than when moving into the locations), and income has dropped like 65% from a high point like 5 years ago (about when I moved in).

Two years ago I got in a bad wreck once again, and I am sure it addled my thinking, this seems to prove it even more. Geez, even if I were working a 9-5 job this wouldn't be worth it...why should I take such major amounts of money out of my pocket so everybody else can have fun? It sure doesn't make the whole deal fun for me.Now I need major investment in equipment just to hold even. I don't think that's going to happen now.

I need a steady job, even at minimum wage it would be a huge improvement on things now. Perhaps a night job until I finish school...? I can't sort it all out this late.

Why....

are all the people in my life who understood the progression of certain arts through certain histories to the present all dead? Why not the half-assed morons with even more half-wit off-spring? Why DO the good die young?

Sometimes.

Sometimes the past can't be edited enough to work. Sometimes you just have to finish it to be able to move on to the next thing.

Strummer

I fucking hated The Clash. I heard them years ahead of any US punk I ever met, as I was living my life listening to the World Service of the BBC...back when they still transmited to the US.

Some of the tunes were pretty good, so I read every thing I could on them. Everything went on and on about how much they hated this, that or the other kind of music...or group. I became so annoyed at their on-going whining that I wrote them off.

Then, I met Strummer for about 10 minutes, in Northen California. It was a wreird gig, the audience was mainly like 13 year old girls trying to be hip. It was one of the few gigs where I was tall enough to see the stage from the floor. The band played well, but looked completley perplexed at the crowd. After the show I was ready for an arguement, and worked my way to Strummer. He greeted me with a warm hello and said he hoped I'd enjoyed the show. He mentioned he had noticed me, as I was a foot taller than everyone else down front. I got him right on music, and he was not at all what I expected. he said, "Whatever music you love is great! Just do it like you mean it! I hate all the magazines, they cut so much out of what I said and make it look like I hate all sorts of things. Christ, I wouldn't have started playing guitar if I didn't like what came before me!"

In that monet, I heard The Clash a whole new way. I ended up liking them.

But the bass player was the biggest prick I've ever meet in music. He was walking with a boombox, and thinking I recognized the reggae tune he was blasting, I asked what it was. He gave me a snotty answer that it was reggae. Asshole, I was probably listening to it 10 years before he ever even heard it. Why is it that the wrong one in a band always dies first?

They Call Her A POET?!?!?!?!?!?

Who the fuck was stupid enough to pick Elizabeth Alexander to read at the big hoeha inauguration?

They call her a Poet? That was the single worst reading I have ever heard from ANY poet! I've heard coffee-wired goths whining away in cafes that were better than that. Hell, I've heard FIFTH GRADERS who were better than that! In fact, on the day of the reading I had a fifth-grader tell me they thought it was both a terrible poem, and badly read.

There was no emotion, and she clunked each word out like a special ed child struggling to read the next word. Christ, if she wrote the damned poem, she should at least be able to infuse it with some degree of emotion or meaning! In listening to the actual words (as hard as it was...), the poem was completely common. I mean, any bored soccer mom with no grip on the English language could have spewed that thing out.

Once again proof of how wrong affirmative action was in practice. The idea of giving everyone an equal chance was grand....but the fact is that after a few years, the color of your skin got more jobs than actual qualifications. This woman is where she is because of the color of her skin, not because of her qualifications.

The sad thing was that she was better than the self-promoting asshole of a preacher than came on to close the show. Perhaps he should go back to the black community and get them to begin "doing the right thing" before he decides to demand of the white community. That might clear the jails out and improve society a touch quicker. Guess the fucking asshole didn't realize he wasn't preaching to a room full of his blind sheep followers.

The Wasted Energy Of A Racing Mind.

For some years I have felt underchallenged. In my past, I had the need to fill my mind at all times with variuos useful thoughts, which all stopped in '88 with the car wreck. Since then, instead of viable creative thoughts, I find myself consumed with worry about the worst possible thing that could happen. I go to class, its failure, I go to teach, its weird parents and their children who refuse to work, I drive, its some idiot causing a wreck for me.

I struggle to shut it all off. Some 5 years ago I was there. I shut it off and had a calm mind. I lived by the rule that 90% of what you worry about never happens, so stop the worry and be ready for the ten percent that does happen.

I recognize the need to reach this place again. I waste so much energy on worry. I need to get things rolling again, instead of burning the candle of doubt.

Tiring....

...but I think I have answered all the pending e-mails sent me since the middle of December. Feeling way sick, first sinus, then headaches, then stomach and more. God, I just wanna get the year rolling...and it certainly is fighting me. I have enrolled in yet more general ed classes as I chase my A & P cert. Labs still to finished...groan....

Behind Again Already...

Its a new year, and between the limited access to the internet, my new glasses, and trying to finally get rolling on a number of key issues (auto repair, etc), I find myself behind again already.

I am backed up on e-mails. I am behind on autos, and I am struggling over a project involving a 100+ year old table.

I aim to start the catching up tonight....

God I Hate Change!

BUT...

Its probably the best thing for oneself innit?

Last time I remember playing music and it meaning something was new years eve of 2000. All I've done since then is work. I am tired of work. The gods conspire against me, so I cast them out!

Need new toys, need new goals, need new. Got some new already.

I may hate change, but I welcome it!

40 Years Ago...NOW!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_8

Its been 40 short years since we first went around the moon. The US government gutted the Space Program to fund warships at Raygun's command. Long may he rot for it.

Mankind makes progress fast during two things: Exploring and War.

Some of us prefer the first route. Its time to end the wars, take the military funding and give it to NASA to head deeper out into the neighborhood of the night. For those who disagree, go ahead and get rid of your computers, TV sets, cars newer than 1980, phones and pretty much everything else that has been improved upon due to NASA's work in getting to Space!

Sidenote: SpaceShip Two has taken flight for the first time!

16 Days....

...until I outlive Jim Jones.

Geez, maybe I could catch a break here...? I mean, I haven't started any cults, didn't get people to give me their money and move to some weird jungle, didn't get them to commit suicide by drinking poison or chase down those who didn't with machine guns.Yet who gets remembered by history? Yeah, the guy who did evil things.

Not me.

Whatever.

Has everybody left blogger now...?

Its the Memory...what was I saying?

Exhaustion.

Messes with my ability to memorize. Got a final coming up, and two years of aeronautics to deal with, and all is not going well.

No Justice.

The drunk asshole that killed a friend last year by driving the wrong way down a Southern California freeway (how can any moron do that?!?!?!) didn't get convicted of murder. Nope, manslaughter, so the worst that can happen is 8 years in jail. He'll probably be free in a year or two and never look back.

I hope his family is killed by another drunk driver. Fucking Asshole. Drunk drivers should be executed on the site once they sober up.

MY Bailout Plan for Carmakers.

So what.

The CEO's for car makers used their own jets to arrive at meetings to ask for help. That's how business at that level works. Believe it or not, CEO's actually do things that affect each and every member of the companies work force. Some CEO's are fucking morons, some not. Did any of the assholes downing them for private jet use ask....WHY? Nope.

Anybody remember a little known historical event they used to call "9-11"? Anybody notice the names and jobs of many of the folks killed on the commercial jets that day? Some were pretty important, key people in their work. They were not replaceable there (not even talking about personal value). Many, many companies felt like airport security wasn't worth a damn, and it was foolish to risk losing the heads of their companies to something like hijacking and terrorists. Remember how they are all just around the corner all the time? So they started using private jets! It wasn't a frill, it was a SAFETY CONCERN!!!! Now...what the hell is wrong with that?

In addition, when someone at that level travels in a private jet, they have instant access to a workplace, and are able to keep right on working. No waiting to get to a wi-fi spot there. PLUS- HOW MANY TIMES HAVE THE AIRLINES BEEN ON TIME OVER THE LAST FIVE YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Yeah, that would look good, "Will the CEO of Chevrordler please come forward? What...? What....? He had his flight canceled...? Screw him then, if he couldn't even get here on time!"

AND...did anybody watch to see if the Wall Street Crooks used their own jets? NOPE! They sure pulled off a slick one, didn't they?

So, here's MY bailout plan for Car makers:

Granted, they haven't been making autos that fit the needs of the country for a LONG time. That's why the roads are covered with Jap crap. But the Japs got it right, didn't they? Why can't America get it just as right?

Gee...remember those "Oil Companies" that have been showing "Record Profits" the last few quarters? Yeah....they have a vested interest in making sure nobody comes out with a series of autos that GET BETTER MILEAGE, don't they? Isn't it clear how far into bed the auto and oil industries actually are?

Good, you finally noticed. This leads to my plan....Let's pass a bill that sends the excess profits from the oil companies to the Automakers. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE...BEFORE we pass that law, lets pass another that requires the oil companies to put up the needed bailout money for Detroit. Remember, they got to be Fat Cats at the expense of the country and its economy already, time for them to contribute BACK to the whole process. Oh, yeah...and while we are at it....

What the HELL is the deal? Refineries ALL have to be shut down for service at the same time of the year (Summer) every year...thus driving prices up? What kind of MORON in the White House allows this?!?!??! Oh yeah, he's an oilman.

NEXT... "Oh, there's a hurricane 600 miles away that has a 4% chance of hitting our refineries, Oil Price Must Be Raised Immediately!" ...HUH?!?!?!?!?!!?

Geez, then build larger reserves to prevent fluctuations you idiots! Oh yeah, you wouldnt be able to screw the rest of us for extra income otherwise.

Regulation is too good for oil companies. Yep, time to nationalize them in the best interest of the country. And the world.

It Just Keeps Getting Harder Every day.

...that I haven't completed my labs.

Got to the last one for this portion of the program, and it has ten pages to complete it. I believe I have six of those pages left before having to dig into a year's worth of reveiw for the portion of the program done a year ago....geez.


Work remains as confusing as ever. Can't seem to get anyone interested in staying long term after their Intro class. Out of like 6 people last cycle....one stayed.Wonder if the new year will pick things up? The election sure didn't....and that's a first. Usually things get better after any election. Oh well...

Book Titles I Should Follow Up and Write:

" You call that horse shit art?"
" I Knew Your Mom When She Gave Head for Ten Bucks or Before The Church"
" There are More Intelligent Fish Than You."
" Drving Like That Will Get You Killed, Here...Let Me Help"
" I'd Rather Weld Than Dance"
" Your 8 Year Old Isn't a Guitarist, He's a Fucking Boring Twat Abusing A Guitar"
" Blues Musicians Don't Use Tabs"
" Your Pansy Dog Is A Cat"
" Get Your Cat Off My Car"
" Yes, I want To Fight. Excuse Me For Not Getting Out Of The F-250 While Killing You"
" Sure, Increasing The Rent Will Help Build My Failing Business"
" And By Inappropriate I Mean YOU"
" Dickhead"
" The Marching Band Diaries"
" Actually Crushed By Life, Not A Spoiled, Rich Goth"
" Every Goth With A Pen Thinks He's A Poet"
" Marilyn Who?"
" At The Dawn Of The 80's"
" The Night The 70's Died"
" The Day After The 90's"
" Hunter Thompson Was NOT Your Father"
" Screenplays About Junkies Best Be Written By Them"
" Go Fuck Yourself: A Guide To The 21st Century"

Alone In All I Do.

Much of my mental reveiw as of late has centered around getting dates correct in my head. That fucking car wreck certainly muddied the waters for afr too long. It's given insite into timing and foresight to reckon what's coming. I still have that capacity,but it seems focused other than the arts.

THEN AGAIN....Over the last few years I've the chance to have contact with any number of would be artists from the current crop. Not the ones you may think I am talking about either. BUT, there certainly isn't the width of dynamics that existed amoung those I knew so long ago. Now, all seem rather plastic, without a fresh idea in their heads. Funny, was at one place where everyone was patting an artist on the back for some great concept he was displaying....and all I could thinbk about was I had seen exactly the same thing years ago, and even on the internet. Their glory boy was just a copy cat. How funny.

Then, IN ADDITION, I sometimes find myself among a crowd who consider themselves to be educated and so important. NONE of them could figure out why their cars won't start if they break, none could plow a field or plant it, none could harvest or hunt game, I doubt if fishing is among their skills either- BUT they sure do act all important talking about yet another of their ilk with the same lack of survival skills. That's nice, splash some paint on the canvas and be a star. Maybe we'll call you Jack the Dripper...oh wait, that's been done too.

Overall, the key is that I am an only child, and we never seem to have the ability to get others to share the work load for what we endeavor. Then, when we go it alone, everyone attacks us and claims we act too good to let anyone help. Funny, I remember countless hours of mind-crushing boredom as my youth. I was the only kid on my street, until that one family moved in when I was like 9. If I wanted to "play", I had to entertain myself. I learned to rely on nobody but me.

And now that seems to be a curse.

Most of the time I can achieve a task more quickly by myself, than with a group. Oh well. Whatever.